Being Sexy Isn't A Crime
by AishiteSubete
Summary: It's never a crime to be seduced by sexy policemen. Hetalia Color Police. Self-Insert, with various characters.
1. The Violet Police

Title: Being Sexy Isn't A Crime

Author: AishiteSubete & Kiarnni

Rating: M

Summary: _It's never a crime to be seduced by sexy policemen. Hetalia Color Police. Self-Insert, with various characters._

**A/N: Hello, all! This is a Hetalia self-insert written by both me and my best friend, Kiarnni. We kind of sort of totally love the Hetalia Color Police, and decided to write some chapters about it. **

**I wrote Francis first because, well, he just doesn't seem to get much love. There is little to no fanart or fanfiction for the Violet Police, and I think it's time our favorite blond Frechman gets a little more love.**

**WARNINGS: Mild to coarse language, impliex sex, and a heavy use of foreign language (with translations in order of usage at the bottom). If you don't like any of these, please click the back button.**

DISCLAIMER: We do NOT own Hetalia-it is property of Hidekaz-sama, and will never be owned by us two fangirls. Most of our language skills come from Google Translate, with the exception of most of mine & Kiarnni's Spanish & French and my Japanese.

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><p><span>NUMERO UN: L'POLICE VIOLETTE - FRANCIS BONNEFOY<span>

It was rare that you ever ventured out of your Paris apartment on a Friday night. Why would you if you had your stunning friends over? It was a weekly tradition that a large group of your closest peers would come to your place of residence, share a bottle or two of fine wine, and then return to their own homes. You typically showered and retired to your room once the last guest was gone.

Tonight was different, though. When you looked through your cupboards, you noticed that you were out of good bread-and that would never do! You ate bread every night before you went to sleep, and you weren't sure what you would do if you missed your nightly tradition.

There was a bakery a short bit down the block, and it was only nine o'clock. It would still be open. So putting on your coat, you left the house and trudged down the sidewalk to pick up some baugettes.

As you walked, you paid very little attention to where you were going. Therefore, it came as a bit of a surprise when you ran face-first into a taller man. "Oh, mon Dieu!" you jumped back, looking at the man you bumped into with wide eyes. "Desole! Mon _Dieu_, je suis desole!" You were always far too apologetic over smaller things.

The man you had it was a few inches taller than you, with shoulder-length, wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. When you noticed his violet uniform and the badge on his chest, you were mortified to realize that this man as a _police officer!_ "Je suis bien," the man said with a light smile on his lips. "Je m'appele Francis. Et votre?"

"(Name)," you said timidly, looking at him with curious eyes. "I am _so_ sorry for running into you. It was a total accident, I swear!"

"Non, non, it's okay," he said sweetly. It was then that you noticed that his hands still held your wrists after the small bump-in. "Pardon," he murmured, "but do I smell wine on your breath?"

You blanched. "P-Perhaps," you said nervously, looking away from his face. "It was just a glass or two back at the apartment, I'm not really buzzed or anything, I swear!" Well damn. The one night you deem it alright to take a walk down the block, you run into a cop and he smells wine on you.

"Oh, ma chere," he said gently, "let me escort you back home. We can't have you walking around here intoxicated, now can we?" You blushed as one of his arms circled around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

"A-Aren't you a cop?" you stammered, looking at him confusedly.

Now it was his turn to give you a confused look. "Of course not," he said. "'ow could I let some lovely lady go to prison over something as foolish as a glass of wine? I have a much better idea..."

Once the two of you arrived at your apartment complex, you took the elevator to your floor. As you shoved the key into the lock and walked in, you gave Francis a look, as he did not leave.

"Now...about that better idea..." he smirked devilishly, pressing you against the closed door. His lips hovered over yours tantalizingly. "Je sais comment faire ce soir un peu plus intéressant..."" As his tongue licked your lips, tracing the seam between them, you moaned with a shudder.

"Alors dis-moi."

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><p>TRANSLATIONS:<p>

**Oh, mon Dieu! - **Oh, my God!  
><strong>Desole! -<strong> Sorry!  
><strong>Je suis desole! <strong>- I'm sorry!  
><strong>Je suis bien<strong> - I'm good.  
><strong>Je m'appele Francis. Et votre? - <strong>My name is Francis. And yours?  
><strong>Ma chere -<strong> My dear.  
><strong>Je sais comment faire ce soir un peu plus intéressant - <strong> I know how to make tonight a bit more interesting.  
><strong>Alors dis-moi -<strong> Then tell me.

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><p><strong>And this is the end of the Violet Police chapter~<strong>

**Let us know what you think of it!**

Next up: The Red Police!


	2. The Red Police

Title: Being Sexy Isn't A Crime

Author: AishiteSubete & Kiarnni

Rating: M

Summary: Please refer to the first chapter.

**WARNINGS:** Please refer to the first chapter.

**DISCLAIMER:** Please refer to the first chapter.

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><p><span>NUMERO DOS: LA POLICIA ROJA - ANTONION FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO<span>

It was a lovely, moderate day in Barcelona. There was a light breeze moving the air, and the sound of people laughing and talking was music to your ears. There was nothing you enjoyed better than taking a midday stroll and Barcelona was the perfect place for it.

Until you found yourself dragged into a dark alleyway.

"Socorro! Socorro!" you shouted, flailing your arms wildly at the person who had their hands on you. "Let go of me, you ass!"

Within a few seconds, your purse had been wrenched from your hands, and you felt yourself being thrown to the stone. "Tu bastardo!"

"Tu puedes parar!"

The voice was unfamiliar, and much to your relief, distracting to your assailant. Thinking quickly, you flew a hard punch towards your attacker's jaw, and the man stumbled backward, right into the waiting arms of one of the Barcelona policemen that had come to your rescue.

Another cop in a red uniform helped you up, his green eyes looking to you with concern in her eyes. "Are you okay, mi quierda?" He asked, and you smiled.

"Si, estoy bien," you responded. "Gracias."

"Aye, eres muy bonita," the mysterious cop said smoothly. "Como te llamas?"

You chuckled slightly, staring at him with beautiful eyes. "Mi nombre es (name). Y tuyo?"

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo," he grinned confidently, leaning against the baked brick wall beside him. "Say, my shift is over in a couple of minutes. Would you care to go out for a shot of tequila, or back to my place?"

You watched as his eyes darkened with lust, and you took advantage of this. Moving closer, you placed a slender hand on his chest, and stood on your tiptoes to move your lips closer to his. "Mm, we don't have to go anywhere, amante~" you purred. Pressing your lips against his, you groaned when he pressed you against the wall, moving his body harshly against yours. "Podemos divertirnos aqui, sabes."

Antonio chuckled darkly, moving his lips to your neck. "I've never seen anyone act like _this _after getting mugged. Yo pienso ese es muy caliente."

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><p><span>TRANSLATIONS<span>

**Socorro! - **Help!  
><strong>Tu bastardo -<strong> You bastard  
><strong>Tu puedes parar! -<strong> Can you stop!  
><strong>Mi quierda -<strong> My dear  
><strong>Si, estoy bien. Gracias. -<strong> Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.  
><strong>Aye, eres muy bonita -<strong> Hey, you're very pretty.  
><strong>Como te llamas? -<strong> What's your name?  
><strong>Mi nombre es... Y tuyo? -<strong> My name is... and yours?  
><strong>Amante -<strong> lover  
><strong>Podemos divertirnos aqui, sabes. -<strong> We can have fun here, you know.  
><strong>Yo pienso ese es muy caliente. -<strong> I think that's very hot.

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><p>Well, yes, this is a lot shorter than the one for Francis-mainly because I want Kiarnni to write a longer version for Antonio.<br>Did you notice that I got carried away with the Spanish? Yeah, I kind of noticed it, too. I wanted to write the entirety of the dialogue, but I'm pretty sure it's already a little rough for the non-Spanish speaking person as it is.

**EDIT: DECEMBER 1ST, 2011  
><strong>THANK YOU SO MUCH to an amazing reviewer named chocotaku, who is sadly anonymous. Normally I respond to reviews privately, but I want to post this here to explain some edits.  
>I am so very grateful for their corrections on my Spanish! It's so awesome to get reviews like that, because it shows you that people actually DO care about the foreign language content in a primarily English story, and it really helps improve your foreign language skill.<p>

So, to chocotaku, if they're reading this: THANK YOU SO MUCH for the corrections. They are highly appreciated and loved~ 3 I have learned a good bit from it as well.

So, this has been the Red Police!  
>Next up is one of my personal favorites, the Turquoise Police!<p> 


	3. The Turquoise Police

Title: Being Sexy Isn't A Crime

Author: AishiteSubete & Kiarnni

Rating: M

Summary: Please refer to the first chapter.

**WARNINGS: **Please refer to the first chapter.

**DISCLAIMER: **Please refer to the first chapter.

**A/N: This chapter uses Turkish script. That means, if your computer can't read the cool little i's without the dot, or the neat u's with the two dots above them, and other little symbol-things like that, some of the letters in the Turkish text may or may not appear.**

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><p><span>sayısının üç: turkuaz polis - sadiq annan<span>

It's been three months since you returned home to America after spending three months in Turkey, and you missed it already. Sighing sadly, you leaned against your steering wheel, muttering something absentmindedly in the language you had come to love.

"Bok," you hissed when you noticed the blue lights flashing in your rear view mirror. "Belanızı versin tanrı. Neden bugü?" You grumbled under your breath, pulling over onto the shoulder of the road. Why today of all days? Your good friend, Elizaveta, was participating in a violin recital, and you promised you'd be there. You were running a little late as it was, and this unfortunate speeding ticket was certain to make you late.

"G'dafternoon." You snapped your head up to look at the mysteriously attractive cop that magically appeared in your window. His uniform was a light turquoise, accenting his tanned skin and brown eyes. "How are ya, ma'am."

"I've been better," you spat in annoyance, reaching over to the glove box to get your proof of insurance.

"Nice ass," the arrogant policeman whistled, watching you move with transfixed eyes. You grabbed your proof of insurance and handed it to him.

"Domuz," you murmured, turning away from him as he looked the small slip of paper over, almost like he had done with your body a few seconds prior.

"You speak Turkish?" he looked at you at complete surprise. "I've never met an American who could speak Turkish before."

You laughed, slouching back into the driver's seat. "I guess I'm pretty rare then. I just got back from a three-month stay there. Oops, I mean—Daha sonra oldukça nadir yaşıyorum sanırım. Ben sadece orada kalmak üç aylık bir geri aldım."

The mysterious Turkish man opened the door to your car, sliding into the front seat, straddling you. "Hey—what the-?"

"Shhh," he pressed his open mouth against your throat, delivering hot kisses on your bare skin. "Bana adınızı söyler. Benim i Sadık aleyhisselam."

"(Name)," you moaned as his hands traced marvelous patterns on your stomach through the thin fabric of your tee shirt. "W-What are you-?"

His lips met yours in a heated kiss, and you pressed yourself closer into the body of the Turkish cop in front of you. "Yok. Diyelim, türkçe gece sadece konuşmak, aşk." You groaned into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck, craving more of the sweet, delicious friction created between your two bodies.

"Oh evet," you groaned, biting his lower lip, a shiver ripping through you at the breathy groan he emitted.

After hearing about this, you were sure Elizaveta wouldn't mind that you missed her recital.

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><p><span>TRANSLATIONS<span>

**Bok - **shit.  
><strong>Belanızı versin tanrı. Neden bugü?<strong> - Damn it. Why today?  
><strong>Domuz - <strong>pig.  
><strong>Daha sonra oldukça nadir yaşıyorum sanırım. Ben sadece orada kalmak üç aylık bir geri aldım." -<strong> I guess I'm pretty rare then. I just got back from a three-month stay there.  
><strong>Bana adınızı söyler. Benim i Sadık aleyhisselam. <strong>- Tell me your name. Mine is Sadiq.  
><strong>Yok. Diyelim, türkçe gece sadece konuşmak, aşk. -<strong> No. Tonight, we speak in Turkish, love.  
><strong>Evet -<strong>Yes

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><p>Chyeah. Sadiq's getting a little love. Turkey is one of my favorite characters, and I haven't found a SINGLE Turquoise Police fanart for him (and I'm far too incapable of drawing it myself). So this is my tribute to the gorgeous Sadiq Annan.<p>

If any of you can find some Turquoise Police fanart that's any good, PLEASE OH PLEASE send me a link. I would be forever indebted to you if you did.

This has been the Turquoise Police~  
>Next up is the Purple Police!<p> 


	4. The Purple Police

Title: Being Sexy Isn't A Crime

Author: AishiteSubete & Kiarnni

Rating: M

Summary: In the first chapter, baybay.

**WARNINGS: Okay, well, when it comes to violence, this chapter has a little bit more blood than the rest-it's actually mentioned, and in a non-sexual, non-pleasurable way, at that. The rest of the warnings are the same as in the first chapter, baybay.**

**DISCLAIMER: **In the first chapter, baybay.

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><p><span>NOMER CHETYRE: FIOLETOVYĬ POLITSII<span>

You paced around your apartment nervously, your face in your blood-covered hands. "Vot der'mo, vot der'mo, vot der'mo…" you freaked, looking from the bloodied body on your floor to the butcher knife in the sink. "This is so not good. So not good. The police will be here any second."

There was a very specific reason that you killed your manager—and it was a good one, too, even if you were the only one who could see it. He was trying to change your words, put words in your mouth—he was trying to ruin the novel you completely devoted three years of your life to completing. It seemed worthwhile to eliminate him from the picture—until your neighbor saw you stabbing him.

There was a loud rapping at your door. "Russkiĭ fioletovyĭ politsii! Otkryt' syeĭchas!" You looked towards the door like a deer caught in headlights, and you jumped behind your couch, hoping that you wouldn't be caught. "Etu dver' idet vniz!" With a loud smash, the door fell off of its hinges, and you made a small noise in your throat as a tall, looming figure made his way into your apartment. Shrinking back, you watched as this intimidating figure was the only one to enter—how peculiar.

"Come out, my little pet." This man's voice had the most wonderful sound you had ever heard. You almost wanted to do as he said, but when you remembered that he was a policeman, you fought back the urge. "That's quite the nice carving you left on that body…" He continued. "Velikolepnyĭ. Where are you, dorogoy, so I can properly compliment you."

You stayed still, not wanting him to find you. But when the figure loomed over the top of the couch at you, you screamed, jolting up and running towards your bedroom, the only place in this world that you truly felt safe. "Nashel tebya, lyubov'," the imposing Russia purred, chasing after you. When you closed the door in his pleasant face, you were far from surprised when he opened it right back.

"Please! Don't arrest me!" You wailed miserably, sitting in the middle of your bed, a pillow to your chest and tears in your eyes. "I had a good reason for doing what I did! I swear! He provoked it! He tried to ruin everything I've ever worked for!"

But instead of trying to arrest you, or refuting your claims that you killed your manager for a good reason, the policeman came to you. He sat beside you on your bed and said, "Nyet, nyet. I'm not going to arrest you—if anything, I'll help you escape. I'm impressed by your handiwork. Ya ne samyĭ pravednyĭ politsyeĭskogo v mire." You noticed the bloody pipe that hung from his belt, and you gulped. "I think your kill is positively alluring." He moved closer to you, his large frame compelled you to lay back onto your mattress, pressing his body flush against yours. "Ya khochu chtoby vy." You groaned into his lips as he kissed you, his large hands traveling all over your body.

"Oh, oh bozhe," you moaned, biting his lower lip in ecstasy as his hand danced around your vital regions. "Bol'she!"

"Ivan," he groaned out, looking at you lustily. "My name is Ivan. Please, tell me yours, lyubov'."

"(Name)," you murmured, wrapping your legs around his waist to feel more of him against you. "(Name). Please, Ivan, voz'mi menya!" His lips kissed softly from your jaw to your neck, leaving fierce bites and painful bruises across your alabaster skin.

"Of course I will," he mumbled into your skin. "And then we'll run away, and this murder won't be a thing you'll have to worry about."

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><p><span>TRANSLATIONS<span>

**Vot der'mo -** Oh shit.  
><strong>Russkiĭ fioletovyĭ politsii! Otkryt' syeĭchas! -<strong> Russian Purple Police! Open up!  
><strong>Etu dver' idet vniz! - <strong>This door's coming down!  
><strong>Velikolepnyĭ. -<strong> Gorgeous.  
><strong>Dorogoy. -<strong> Dear.  
><strong>Nashel tebya, lyubov' - <strong>Found you, love.  
><strong>Nyet, nyet. -<strong> No, no.  
><strong>Ya ne samyĭ pravednyĭ politsyeĭskogo v mire. - <strong>I'm not the most righteous cop in the world.  
><strong>Ya khochu chtoby vy. - <strong>I want you.  
><strong>Bozhe. - <strong>God  
><strong>Bol'she! -<strong> More!  
><strong>Voz'mi menya! -<strong>Take me!

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><p>YAAAAAAAAAAY~ I totally love Ivan. He's one of my top four favorite Hetalia characters, so I really enjoyed writing this, despite my deep dislike of the Russian language. ^.^;<p>

There's your purple police!  
>I do believe that there's another Red Police after this one-Kiarnni style! That's right-time for my best friend's stuff to be posted!<p> 


	5. The Red Police: Take 2

Title: Being Sexy Isn't A Crime

Author: AishiteSubete & Kiarnni

Rating: M

Summary: In first chapter.

**WARNINGS**: In first chapter.

**DISCLAIMER: **In first chapter.

**A/N: Alright, everybody! This little ficlet is the first one in our series written by Kiarnni! :D She super-likes Spain, so yes-here's another one for Spain~ :D**

NUMERO CINCO: LA POLICIA ROJA - ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO

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><p>"(Name), wait," your fiancé, well, ex-fiancé pleaded. You stopped in your trek towards the door, and you could practically feel his smirk.<p>

"There we are. Now darling, let's be reasonable," he cooed. "She wanted me, how could I turn down a pretty girl like her? I didn't want to break her heart. You understand don't you?" You were beyond pissed at this point. How dare he try to casually play off his fault as if it were nothing! A crunch was heard before you left your cheating ex's apartment which was quickly filling with the sounds of him cussing. You turned your head to look back at him holding his bleeding nose and would have smirked, had it not been for the heartbreak you were currently suffering through.

You slammed the door and hurriedly left the apartment building as the tears were beginning to escape your eyes. You could have sworn the people milling about the complex all sent you a pitying glance. Then, you just started walking. You walked for what felt like forever, without a clue or care of where you were going. When you finally just didn't want to put forth the effort to keep walking, you just plopped down where you were and cried.

You don't know how long you were crying, nor did you plan on stopping anytime soon, but an extremely sexy sounding voice infiltrated your ears. You looked up through water glazed orbs to find a very handsome policeman standing in front of you. In fact, now that you've finally looked up, you've realized you are totally lost. You're in the middle of some woods and you can't even see the sky.

"Perdón mi señorita, pero usted es violar la propiedad privada," the man said.

"Um… What?" You asked. You spoke a little Spanish, but in your current state, you didn't feel like using your brain to translate anything.

"Are you aware that you are trespassing on private property?" He asked again.

"No. At the moment, I could honestly care less," you sniffed.

"Relationship problems?" he questioned.

"Yeah…" you trailed off.

"¿Qué bastardo haría daño a una chica hermosa como tú?" he mumbled to himself as his thoughts began racing.

"Vamos, I'll take you somewhere that will cheer you up," he smiled at you. You took his proffered hand as he helped you stand back up.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere you can trepass on anytime. My private property." He smirked back at you. Hints of lust filled his voice and those beautiful green eyes of his. Your tears instantly dried. He was ten times more charming than your ex, not to mention the fact that he looked like a god.

"Mmmm. Sounds good."

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><p><span>TRANSLATIONS:<span>

**Perdón mi señorita, pero usted es violar la propiedad privada. -** Excuse me miss, but you're tresspassing on private property.

**Qué bastardo haría daño a una chica guapa como tú? - **What bastard would hurt a beautiful girl like you?

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><p>Hooray! We're up to chapter five~ :D<br>Hopefully, on to some newer characters! I think Kiarnni actually has the next three, so the characters used are up to her choice!


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